
I had an unpleasant experience with Comcast today. I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that Comcast offers its customers a world in which every precious thread in the fabric of reality is as indeterminate as Schrödinger’s Cat. My phone number is and isn’t the number my account is under. My credit card number is and isn’t valid. The Russell set exists.
But here’s the thing that really irks me: Before connecting me to a human being (after 15 minutes of menu navigation), the system asked if I’d be willing to give my feedback on my support experience. God yes, I thought, let me tell you how to fix this! 30 minutes later, an automated system called me and asked exactly three questions:
- Was your issue resolved today? (Yes or no.)
- How pleasant was your experience with the customer support representative? (1–5 scale)
- How much effort did this support call take? (1–5 scale)
And then: Thank you! *click* But… but… Comcast, you have so much you could learn from me. I volunteered to talk to you! I tweeted @ComcastCares, but receive no response. Do you really care so little? I realize that your monopoly seems cozy now, but once I have a 4G Verizon wi-fi box, will I really need to buy cable from a company that evidently relishes my suffering? And one final question: In that e-mail you sent me, asking me to call you about an unspecified account issue, was it really necessary to precede your number with So that we may provide you with exceptional customer service…? The statement is technically accurate (exceptional in the sense of “unusual; not typical,” or—also from the New Oxford American Dictionary—“mentally or physically disabled so as to require special schooling”), but you need to learn to manage expectations.
I’m not a cynical or anti-corporate person. Actually, I had a very pleasant experience with American Express yesterday. (Some fiend had gotten my card number and used it to buy a bunch of songs on iTunes; a friendly customer support person called me to report the fraud.) It’s a cliché to say that Comcast is an evil corporation, and I don’t even like the phrase “evil corporation.” But Comcast is the Dark Prince of Corporations.
Tags: autobiography business
